Writing . Essays
Guilt and Pleasure
Mahmoud, Mom; Mom, Mahmoud
Shalom Auslander's simple proposal for eradicating anti-Semitism based on shared goals, mutual dreams, and a common disgust with his mother.
The worst thing about the next Holocaust will be if the Muslims put me in the same bunker as my mother. There'll be the nudity, of course, mine as discomforting as hers, but I'll probably be able to trade some morsels of bread for a metal spoon with which to gouge my eyes out. But far worse - far, far worse - will be the ceaseless, pounding, unrelenting I-told-you-so's.
"You thought I was crazy," she'll say.
"Shut up, Ma."
There will be strict punishment for anyone caught talking after dark, but she won't care; punishment will only prove her point.
"You told me I was paranoid!" she will shriek. "That I was obsessed! That I should get over the Holocaust!"
"Ma, would you shut up?"
But it will be too late -- the Muslim guard will have already heard us talking. He'll shout something in Arabic, drag me from my bed and start bashing me over the head with a Qur'an.
"Well, Mr. Smart Guy," my mother will ask, "who's laughing now, huh? Who's laughing now?"
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